Many checks
by Biggest-Baddest-Wolf
Summary: B'Elanna and Seven have finally burried the hatchet... and now terrorize Voyager together. Story itself isn't quite finished yet but part of a bigger storyline I'm working on, however it's already readable as a stand-alone piece.


**Author's notes: **  
This story is supposed to be funny, humorous even.  
Don't expect it to follow any canon.  
B`Elanna and Seven buried the hatchet, and cause mayhem.

**Disclaimers: **  
Yadda yadda blahblah copyright not mine, blahblah no sueing me because my broke ass will be popular in jail, blahblah no infringements on copyright intended, blahblahblahblah bite me.

So much for the copyright yammering, now for the usual warnings and stuff:  
This is a work of fan-fiction that pairs two women in any way that I, the author, see fit.  
If that offends you, then don't read it.  
If you don't have a sense of humor either, then don't read it either.  
Also, there might be some descriptions of fictional violence, substance abuse, nudity, nookie, and a kitchen sink being shoved somewhere painful.  
So if any of that offends you, then don't read this work.  
Seriously.  
You've been warned.  
Oh, and if it's illegal for you to read this type of stories, then don't read it either and don't blame me if you get prisonsexed because you read it anyway.  
There, now everyone except the two gay penguins have been warned.  
Oh, you gay penguins, don't read this while buttsexing eachother.  
There, now everyone has been warned.

And now, on to the story...

"Alright", Kathryn sighed while dropping the datapadd on her desk, tired of having B`Elanna and Seven on report yet again, "what is it this time?"  
B`Elanna started, "Captain, she just waltzed into Engineering and--"  
Seven interrupted, "Your repairs on the dilithium fuse inhibitor were interfering with--"  
B`Elanna cut her off again, "For the millionth time, they weren't interfering with your long range sensors' bi-focally augmented data interpreters!"  
Kathryn rubbed her temples and sighed when it looked like these two were going to continue their fight.  
"Lieutenant, they -were- interfering, not directly but by disabling the tachyon-rotating-disc the long range sensors' bi-focally augmented data interpreters couldn't access the data stored in the auxilliary--", Seven glanced over at Kathryn and saw the Captain's jaw slowly drop, accompanied by a facial expression that Seven hadn't seen on anyone anymore since the time she told Chakotay that he had effectively made her consider women to be more suitable partners than any of the men aboard Voyager.  
B`Elanna also looked at Kathryn and smirked, "See, I told you... techno-babble gets her every time."  
Seven slightly tilted her head and raised a brow as the fact was assimmilated into her eideitic memory, then flashed a tiny smirk of her own, "Indeed. I estimate we now have fourteen minutes and twenty seconds."  
B`Elanna snorted, "Less. Tuvok's a Vulcan, his brain needed more time to recover from the highly 'illogical' scene that he witnessed. Kathryn is used to more than him. I'm guessing five minutes, tops. So you rifle through her reports and see what she has planned for us, I'll rig the replicator."

Two minutes later B`Elanna moved back to the desk, smirking as she saw Seven return the last stack of datapadds into the small drawer of Kathryn's desk.  
"Finished", Seven spoke while joining B`Elanna on the other side of the desk again, "Now if you care to explain how you will ensure that she dismisses us without first boring us to death with those reports I just read..."  
"Nuhuh", B`Elanna smirked, "Just act like she only blacked out for a few seconds when her mind kicks in again, and I'll take care of the rest."  
As if on cue, that's when Kathryn's eyes blinked and her mouth quickly closed.  
Feigning concern, B`Elanna was the first to act, "Captain? You okay?"  
Seven quickly joined in on the effort, "You appear to have blacked out, if briefly. Do you require medical attention?"  
Kathryn blinked, then shook her head, "NO... no... I'm fine. Now, if you're done explaining why you two fought again I'll... ah... I'll..."  
Seeing Kathryn's hand reach below the desk towards the drawer with reports, B`Elanna sprang into action, grabbing Seven's wrist and whipping her onto the desk in a move so swift it would have put the most seasoned moQ'bara master to shame.  
Kathryn's eyes widened in shock when she saw B`Elanna's next move, straddling Seven on the desk and ripping the top half of Seven's silver bio-suit to shreds.  
Hearing the croaking sound from Kathryn, and the surprized squeel from her 'victim', Seven, B`Elanna grinned and ducked down, burying her face in Seven's now exposed breasts and motorboating her like there was no tomorrow.

After thirty minutes of thorroughly christening Kathryn's desk and finally having replicated a new suit for Seven, the two exited Kathryn's ready room, both of them still sporting a rather disheveled, flustered look.  
Hurrying across the bridge and into the turbolift, they left behind several confused people, one of them being Chakotay, who finally scraped together the initiative to check on Kathryn.  
When he entered the ready room, he nearly stumbled out again from the sight of Kathryn scrubbing her desk with everything she could replicate – detergent, industrial-strength plasma conduit cleanser, salt, alcohol, Chakotay even thought he saw a tube of Ferengi toothpaste somewhere.  
"Dirty! Must clean! CLEAN! SCRUB!", was all that Kathryn kept saying over and over, leaving Chakotay to wonder if he just became Captain.  
Deciding that he wasn't going to just take the job like that, he figured it was his duty to see if he could calm Kathryn down and get her back to her normal, composed, iron-lady-self again.  
And if anything could do that with Kathryn, it was coffee.  
Chakotay walked to the replicator and ordered the strongest coffee that the machine could present, and turned to Kathryn with the cup in his hand.  
"Easy, Kathryn... here.... coffee", he offered it to her.  
Kathryn snatched the cup from his hand and slammed the contents back, only to burst into a coughing fit and throw the cup across the room.

B`Elanna smirked.  
Seven smirked.  
Neelix ran out of his mess hall, in search of the strongest possible detergent that might get his tables clean again.  
"Tuvok's security office, check... Captain's desk", B`Elanna smirked wider, "check..."  
"Turbolift", Seven replied with her own widening smirk, "check..."  
"Cargo bay two... check on every crate and in every corner", B`Elanna replied, unable to stop smirking.  
"Twice", Seven again replied, then tilted her head slightly, "Your quarters, after kicking Lieutenant Paris out... check, check, check and check."  
"Both holodecks.... check, check, check... and about twenty more checks", B`Elanna now stifled a laugh.  
"Every table in the mess hall... check", Seven still smirked.  
"Kitchen", B`Elanna nodded towards the now vacant kitchen, and grinned.  
"I will consider that a 'check'", Seven quickly added while grabbing B`Elanna by a wrist and dragging her to the kitchen.

Kathryn sighed and slumped into her Captain's chair.  
She was certain that Seven and B`Elanna were responsible for her condition – hairloss and an uncontrollable urge to say things like 'make it so', and her repeatedly referring to Chakotay as 'Number one' – but she couldn't prove it.  
And she couldn't even take it out on them, since apparently she decided to punish them for their constant fighting by sending them on a two-month resource gathering trip using the Delta Flyer.  
Kathryn was certain that she had intended to throw them both in the brig instead, but somehow she had added a note to every report that each fight during the last three months would result in a day of resource gathering instead – she wondered if her inability to remember doing this had anything to do with her coffee tasting like that dishwater that Picard always drank...


End file.
